Oh I Wish I Was A Fishfinger - How to write surreal poems

Happy Clock Toast!

I love fishfingers. Not in a romantic way, but in a platonic way. I keep many of them as pets. They don't do much but they seem to be happy. (They would have told me if they weren't.)

A year before I was born I wrote a poem called 'Oh I Wish I Was A FishFinger With Breadcrumbs In My Hair' based on Sandi Thom's classic song 'Lola'.

I performed it around London, and at the Edinburgh Festival, to triumphant heckling.

Here are some of my tips for writing a successful surreal poem:-

            1. Make sure it is a poem that you are writing and not a Technical document. (Many people
                make this mistake.)

            2. Don't write the poem using ice-cream as it may melt and the words don't seem to make
                any sense once they are melted.

            3. Do not write the poem using invisible ink.

            4. If you can time travel to get the assistance of a past poet, make sure you add them as a
                contact on Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn

            5. Rhyme or Non-Rhyme? My suggestion. Throw some custard in the air and if it lands
                yellow side up rhyme your poem (or conversely don't rhyme it - the decision is yours)

            6. Make sure your poetic influences are not newsreaders or blocks of concrete.

            7. A wise man once said a man can walk on carpet but a carpet can't walk on man. Wise
                words indeed.

            8. Make sure you include references to FishFingers in your poetry.

Door Knocking Frozen Food

A knock on the door was a pleasant surprise
until I saw who it was, and out popped my eyes,
for there on a chair was a frozen fishfinger
doing an impression of its favourite singer.

"Start spreading the news" is what it then sang.
It danced and it jigged, but I wasn't a fan -
so I went inside and got out the pepper,
and ate it up - but didn't feel better.


www.GeorgeStanworth.com